allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
