so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
