I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
