My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize