I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
only you would photoshop your dick
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
