Jerry, you need to find god
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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