i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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