Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
