Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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