Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
