Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
