I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
