well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
