Already got asked if we're dating
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
