yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
