I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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