Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
