i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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