you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
