Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
