so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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