$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
