You can't motorboat a personality
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
