fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize