Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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