I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
