I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
