ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
