im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
