Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
