five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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