and you said cock pushups were impossible
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
