I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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