So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
