You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
