he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
