Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
