Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
