There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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