you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
