just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
