apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
