She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
