I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
love makes seman taste better
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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