I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
