State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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