I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you win again, gameday.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize