uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
