idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
