I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
