Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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