I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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