So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
