doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
