Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
