so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
