even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
