I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
