There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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