apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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