a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
