i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
