Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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