p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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