The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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