i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
