So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
