I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
